UFC Ring Girl Arianny Kissing a Banana Penis?!?!?!

I've never in my life wanted to be a Banana Penis as much as I do now!

THE NFL IS BACK!!!!!!

IT'S ABOUT FUCKING TIME!!!!!!!!!!
 
Big Daddy Drew at Deadspin.com says it best below:

"YEEEEAAARGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! 

Oh, God. Holy shit. Oh, man. Someone bring me a helmet so I can bang the earhole. I'm so horny for football right now that I'm ejaculating pure Gatorade. Free agency and training camp and preseason games and fantasy cheat sheets and Reggie Bush will soon be out of a job OMG PLEASURE OVERLOAD PLEASURE OVERLOAD! I just wanna hug and kiss and grope all of you, I'm so happy!

But before we get to the orgiastic celebration of the NFL's return, a couple of mandatory FUCK YOUs.

FUCK YOU, JERRY RICHARDSON. You tried to kill football BUT FOOTBALL WON BECAUSE FOOTBALL IS LOVE. And now you're gonna have to sit there for four years while Cam Newton tries and fails to grasp the nuances of a pro style offense. THIS IS WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU MESS WITH US.

FUCK YOU, VINCENT JACKSON. Yes you, Vincent Jackson! You glass cunt. You nearly ruined it for everyone. I should have expected it coming from you, Vincent Jackson. You've ALWAYS been a piece of shit, Mr. I-Plan-Holdouts-Poorly. You want $10 million extra? Here's an idea, asshole: FUCKING PLAY FOR IT. You and your hamstrings made of wet toilet paper can go eat a bag of loose stool.

FUCK YOU, LOGAN MANKINS. What the fuck do YOU need $10 million extra for? You can't even bother to SHAVE. Why don't you move to Wisconsin and make an album full of haunting acoustic love songs with light electronic flourishes? You had no business holding up this deal, and yet there you were, BEING A PENIS. Everyone with a brain was on the player's side until you and Vincent came along and had to go and play the part of Eddie Murphy's Uncle Gus. YOU TOOK THINGS TOO FAR!

FUCK YOU, JEFFREY KESSLER. You horrible lawyer person. Think you're a big man just because you're the Global Litigation Chair at Dewey & LeBoeuf? KISS MY LEBOEUF, YOU COCKPULLER.

FUCK YOU, NFL OWNERS. There, you got more money. Now you can build a stadium in L.A. and move the Vikings there and they'll probably win a title within three years of moving there because GOD HAS NO SOUL. Remember: we could have been spared all this bullshit if you dicks hadn't decided to be dicks about everything.

FUCK YOU, ROGER GOODELL. You know what? Not presiding over potentially the most damaging work stoppage of the history of American sport was the LEAST you could do. That was your big stupid job. And congrats! You did it. But don't expect people like me to go slobbing your knob over it. Oooh, loogit him! He didn't fuck up! LET'S GIVE HIM A DOLLAR!

FUCK YOU, PETER KING. Everyone else was working during this lockout. What did you do? Fat Fuck!

FUCK YOU, PEOPLE ROOTING FOR THE NFL TO FAIL. I know damn well our lots of people were rooting for the NFL to miss a great number of games and for fans to turn on the league so that they could at last see the NFL for the decidedly evil enterprise it is. WELL YOU CAN FORGET ALL THAT SHIT NOW, YOU COMMIE PINKO SOCIALIST HIPPIE YUPPIE YERBA MATE-DRINKING WHOREBAGS. The NFL is back for another DECADE to unfairly hog coverage of all sports and represent all the things that make Americans so oversized and imperialistic and I LOVE IT. And if you don't, you can go back to CAMBODIA.

WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FOOTBALL FUCK YOU! TODAY IS A RAINBOW!"

Right on Drew!! 

Here's a link to the full article at Deadspin:
http://deadspin.com/5824467/fuck-you--the-lockouts-over