In The News

Here's some of the blog stories this week that caught my eye:

Joey Porter/Levi Jones Fight: The Transcript (The Might MJD)

MLB Doesn't Care About Kids With Cancer (Sports Column)

This is Gonna Work out Great (With Leather)

Akward White Guy News: McRoberts Goes Pro (Why Don't We Get Drunk and Blog)

Ozzie Guillen is Back, and Man, He's the Best(Deadspin)

Who Takes Over For Tubby at Kentucky (Dan Shanoff)

Seahawks re-sign Bobby Engram

I talk alot of trash about athletes on my blog. I guess I'm just an angry guy. So I decided to write something nice about #84 Bobby Engram. According to the Seattle Times:

"The Seahawks re-signed Bobby Engram, the team announced on Friday afternoon.

Engram was an unrestricted free agent, who has played the past six seasons in Seattle. He caught a team-high 67 passes in 2005, the year the Seahawks went to the Super Bowl.

Engram, 34, visited the Saints as a free agent, but chose to re-sign with Seattle. The team announced it as a multi-year contract. Exact terms of the deal were not available."

Bobby Engram has been the most consistent receiver for the Hawks since he joined the team six years ago. He is Hasslebeck's favorite target on 3rd down and unlike many Seahawks of the past years (D-Jack, Koren Robinson, Jerramy Stevens) Engram can catch the ball on a consistent basis. Engram also brings a presence in the locker room.

"He has been an integral part of this offense in recent seasons," Seahawks president Tim Ruskell said in a statement released by the team, "and will continue to bring veteran leadership in the locker room."

Now the Hawks are free to trade D-Jack although I heard John Clayton on the radio today say the best we could get is a 3rd round pick. Not sure if that is worth it although Seattle has depth at WR with Deion Branch, Engram and Nate Burleson all under contract and D.J. Hackett as a restricted free agent.

Ron Mexico breaks his silence in Bottlegate

Michael Vick spoke for the first time regarding the January 17th incident that took place at Miami International Airport. It took him over two month to come up with a good excuse. And this is what he came up with. He was hiding jewelry in the bottle. Jewelry?? That's the best he could come up with after two months to think about it? Sounds alot like a stoner.

And the Maimi-Dade PD is not buying his story either. This from The Atlanta Journal-Constitution:

"That's the first we've heard of that," Detective Nelda Fonticella, said when asked if Vick was carrying jewelry in the bottle. "If he has any kind of problem with the way things were handled, then he needs to talk to internal affairs."

Then Vick pokes himself in the eye, forces out a couple tears and claims he's the victim in this case:

"How do you think that made me feel? That was tough on me. That was tough on my family and friends because we knew those accusations weren't right. I said to myself, why even say anything. At the time people were not going to believe me. I just wanted to wait for the results to come back and let the smoke clear and get my head together and enjoy my offseason. It's over. I was cleared, and I was happy about that."

Let the smoke clear? Probably not the best choice of words, Ron. Again, sounds alot like a pothead. Next time you and Marcus should come up with your story before you take bong hits.

Deadspin has a great take on this story.

The Big Lead also takes their shots at Mr. Mexico.

Fat Guy Robot

Agent 0 is clutch

I was excited last night to be able to watch Gilbert Arenas play against the Sonics last night. I wanted to see Ray Allen and Agent 0 go at each other. That didn't happen because Allen sat out due to inflammation in his ankle. But Arenas didn't disappoint. He was a one man show pouring in 42 points including a running bank shot at the buzzer to sink the Sonics. I got the shot on video and here it is:


My question is why didn't the Sonics choose to double Arenas on that last possession? I think it has to do with the fact that coach Bob Hill is an idiot. This from the Seattle Times:

"Sonics coach Bob Hill said he didn't want to double-team Arenas to get the ball out of his hands, because Arenas could have passed to an open player."

So let me get this right. You would rather have the best player on the court take the last shot? That makes no sense. You have to make someone other than Arenas beat you. Hill will be looking for a new job soon.

Its Never Offseason at Kissing Suzy Kolber

My favorite NFL blog never takes a break from giving us good stuff. Even when the NFL is off, these guys keep bringin it. Here's some samples of some of their work. There's a link at the bottom of the post to their site and the rest of the cartoons.

The rest of the cartoons are here:

http://kissmesuzy.blogspot.com/

BREAKING NEWS: Jeff Garcia is not Gay

What's going on?? Didn't T.O. say he's gay? And T.O. wouldn't lie about something like that. That's not like T.O. Anyway, reports are Garcia and his longtime girlfriend and 2004 Playmate of the Year Carmella DeCesare are getting hitched. I always thought and still strongly believe she is his cover. I mean look at the guy. What a douche bag. There's no way he could pull a chick as hot as Carmella.

His upcoming nuptuals also came up in contract negotiations with the Bucs. This according to the Orlando Sentinel:

"During contract negotiations with Tampa Bay, free-agent quarterback Jeff Garcia let Bucs Coach Jon Gruden know he was getting married in April.

"He told me he was going to bring the playbook to the wedding," Garcia said. "He asked if he could come on my honeymoon."

Gruden was kidding.

Probably."

Now I can see Chucky pullin a chick like Carmella, but not Garcia. I'm gonna have to reluctantly side with T.O. He's gay, gay, gay!!

Sonics Dance Team Profiles: Ali

Weekly I will profile a different member of the Sonics Dance Team. You may ask me why? Why would anyone want to know about these dancin ladies? Because they are hot, that's why. And any excuse to get more T&A on the site is ok by me.

The first lucky gal is the stunning Ali. Ali is a four year veteran of the squad. She recently signed a 4 year $14 million guaranteed contract. Wait. Sorry. She makes $20 per game and a free hot dog. She enjoys playing pool, poker, hot tubbing and reading Dr. Suess books. Not sure if she does it all at the same time, but I sure hope so. She was on the reality show The Bachelor in Paris and is a former rock-climbing instructor.

But guys watch out. I found a couple red flags in her profile. She lists Britney Spears as her favorite music artist and she loves Nascar. White trash alert!! Not listed on her profile: she can drive her house, brews her own moonshine and her boyfriend and her cousin are very closely related (they are the same person). Don't say I didn't warn you guys.

Fight!!!!!

Let me just say this first. I'm not a hockey fan. I enjoy going to a live game, but watching it on TV is painful. I'd rather watch the Women's Final Four. I take that back. If I had the choice between watching a hockey game or the Women's Final Four, I'd choose death.

But hockey does have something going for it. Fights. I think its pretty cool that other sports would fine and suspend their players for fighting but the NHL encourages it. Here's a clip from a donnybrook that took place last night.

A Special Message for Jessica Alba

I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back...

I want to be on you.

National Title Hopes vs. Money & Bitches

Spencer Hawes has a big decision to make. If he stays at UW for another year, they instantly become a Final Four contender. If he chooses to declare for the NBA Draft, he'll instantly become a millionaire. After my freshman year in college, the big choices I had to make were either McDonald's for dinner or drink the six pack of PBR in the fridge for dinner. And I usually chose the latter.

If the Huskies weren't my favorite CBB team, I really wouldn't care. But they are, so damnit its important. The way I see it, there is a clear choice that Hawes needs to make. He can stay at UW and be BMOC and fornicate with many beautiful college coeds. Or he can cash in on millions of dollars and fornicate with many beautiful NBA groupies.

I did some research on his possible draft position. I went to 10 draft prediction sites. Here's Hawes' position in each site's draft board:

1) NBADraft.net #11
2) HoopHype.com #6
3) Hoopsvibe.com #5
4) insidehoops.com #14
5) Chad Ford ESPN #8
6) mynbadraft.com #6
7) collegehoops.net #5
8) draftexpress.com #7
9) draftdaddy.com #4
10) hoopsaddict.com #16

Word is that Hawes will bail for the NBA if he is a solid top 10 pick. The average draft position of the 10 sites is around #8. Not looking too good for Dawg fans. What would be my advice to Hawes?

As a Husky fan:
Stay. The money will be there next year. You will be a top three pick next year. Also the Dawgs have a legit chance to make it to the Final Four with you on the roster. Think of all the hot college girls hanging all over you.

As a man:
Get your money. You could blow your knee out at anytime. Top 10 picks get big money guaranteed. Don't be an idiot. And you will get just as much tail or more in the league.

Morrison & Reddick: Still Bad Blood

Adam Morrison and JJ Reddick were the talk of college basketball last year at this time. ESPN and CBS were swingin from their nuts all year long. And all the player of the year talk made me wanna puke. One year later and there's still bad blood between the two. They are both such huge competitors. The only difference now is they are both rich and they are chasing after another trophy. And now their battle is off the court. This is the true test of manhood: Who can pull the hottest tail?

And the winner is...

Morrison. That chick with Reddick looks like she has a lazy eye. And I'm sure she thinks his lavender shirt is cute. The fact that Morrison pulls that kind of tail with the nasty porno stache gives him the overwhelming advantage.

The NFL Has a Full-Blown Image Problem

It seems like everyday the NFL has another player in the news and not in a good way. Pac-Man Jones "making it rain" at the All-Star Game, Dominic Rhodes DUI and peeing his pants, Joey Porter decking Levi Jones at the Palms, Jerramy Stevens DUI and marijuana arrest, the Cincinnati Bengals. The NFL has a problem. A big one. Now this story coming from Atlanta. Early Sunday morning, a 29 year old woman claims she was raped at the home of new Seahawk DE Patrick Kerney. This from cbssportsline.com:

"The 29-year-old woman told police she and some friends were at a bar in Atlanta's trendy Buckhead area and accepted a ride home from three men, Atlanta's WSB-TV reported Monday.

Once back at Kerney's home, the men were invited inside for drinks.

The woman reportedly told police she fell asleep on a sofa and woke up in a bedroom to find one of the men raping her. The woman said she told the man to stop but he put his thumb on her throat and continued to sexually assault her."

Now this is where the story gets interesting.

"The woman escaped by telling the man she would get a friend to join them. Instead, she ran to the bathroom with a friend, and the man fled with his friends."

Smart chick. She pulls out the old "Let me go get my hot friend for a three-way" trick. And get this, he falls for it.

Our friends at The Big Lead http://thebiglead.com/ have some great coverage of this story including this update:

UPDATE:
Our Georgia tipster says that Atlanta radio is buzzing with rumors and innuendo. “The Lodge, where the party started, was the big happening with [Kerney’s] former teammates. Then the afterparty went to his house. Word is the suspect was african american and a former player.” We’ll keep the updates coming as we get them.

Stay tuned.

Tourney Time: Cougs Round 2

They Couged it! The magical season has come to an end. Eight minutes into the second half WSU held the lead at 51-43. They seemed poised to lock down the clamps on Vanderbilt's offense and breeze into the sweet 16. Unfortunately, Southeastern Conference player of the year, Derrick Byars didn't get the memo. With defensive specialist Kyle Weaver guarding him, Byars hit three long range buckets in next six possesions to give Vandy the lead at 52-51. That began the monumental collapse. Weaver had turnovers on three of the next four possesions and finished the game with a season high eight turns. The Seattle Times reported it like this:

"The second (turnover) was a killer, out on top, where Foster picked it, raced the floor and dunked to make it 75-71, Vanderbilt. Then Weaver forced a jumper and finally, Bennett pulled him out of the game.

Maybe he was simply bushed, after 48 grueling minutes. He hinted at that, saying, "I was trying to get guys open shots, I tried to penetrate, and defensively, I was chasing Byars around as well. It was tough."

Excuses. Excuses. Weaver was named to the First Team All-Pac 10 squad this year. He's expected to step up and lead the Cougs. The way he played in the second half, he couldn't even lead a team at my local YMCA. Thirty plus games this year and now he gets tired? Bull shit. He played terrible and should be man enough to take responsibility.

Everybody Loves Josh

Gonzaga's Josh Heytvelt was arrested 2/9/07 in Cheney, WA and charged with felony possession of psychedelic mushrooms. SHH has received copies of letters written to Judge Michael Price of the Spokane County Superior Court in support of the suspended center. There are several letters coming from various people: aunts and uncles, his grandfather, cousins, teachers, family friends, an attorney, a detective, his high school basketball coach, a pastor, a former marine, his friend's parents, long time neighbors, a fire chief, the Assistant Director of Player Personnel for the Miami Dolphins and from Gonzaga Head Coach Mark Few. Here's an excerpt from Few's letter to Judge Price:

"Josh is a good person with a good heart and our program is willing to give him another chance to realize all his personal, academic, and athletic goals.

We are willing to do whatever we can do to help him in his developmental path toward becoming a person of character and competence. We do believe in another chance/forgiveness when someone states and demonstrates they are committed to going in the right direction."

Translation: Josh is a good basketball player and if he's not on the team next year we're screwed! Please help Judge! Here's a link to the letters via the Spokesman Review:

http://www.spokesmanreview.com/docs/cit_031607_heytvelt_let.pdf

Update:

SHH's crack staff also located one letter to Judge Price that wasn't included with the others. This one portrays Heytvelt in a different light. This letter is from James Dixon, the scapegoat that Heytvelt fingered as the owner of the mushrooms found in the car on that fate full night in February. Here's a piece of the letter:

"Dear Judge Price,

Josh Heytvelt not only betrayed me as a friend, he also broke the unwritten code between dealers and customers. I thought we were tight. We smoked blunts together daily and talked hoops, man. One night, we ate a giant bag of shrooms and he sat in my rec room staring at a Bob Marley black light poster for like seven hours straight. He kept saying, "Dude...Bob Marley's eyes are a trip. It's like they're coming out of his head, man. And that joint he's smokin is shooting out rainbows of skittles and shit."

Man, that brings back memories. Memories that are all now crushed just like my mushroom business. Josh is a selfish, ego-driven prick that thinks he's better than everyone cause he's really tall. I hope he rots in prison like a bitch."

You know, James has a point. Heytvelt is a dirty rat. If you get caught with drugs, you man up and claim them as your own, especially when they are in the back of YOUR vehicle sticking out of an athletic bag with YOUR name and number on it. Its the code of the streets. Heytvelt's lucky that James is a harmless hippie drug dealer, not a gun-toting thug.

You can take the homeboy out the hood but you can't take the hood out the homeboy

Just over a year ago Joey Porter and Jerramy Stevens battled in a war of words prior to Super Bowl XL. I thought the media was grasping for any type of trash talk to stimulate interest in the game. Before this verbal battle, the biggest story of the game was Jerome "fat ass" Bettis returning to Detroit. Long story short, Stevens dropped many important passes, the refs bent over the Hawks and the rest is history.

So its kinda ironic that during the heart of the NCAA Tournament, these two jokers are back to making bad news. Porter had an exciting weekend in Vegas without "making it rain." This is what the Las Vegas Review-Journal is reporting:

A National Football League player was cited for misdemeanor battery after he punched a league rival in the face Sunday night at a gaming table in the Palms, Las Vegas police said.

Linebacker Joey Porter, a longtime Pittsburgh Steeler who signed a five-year, $32 million deal with the Miami Dolphins this month, was cited for the brief fight he had with Levi Jones, an offensive tackle with the Cincinnati Bengals, in the casino about 6:55 p.m., Las Vegas police Lt. Kevin McMahill said.

"Apparently these two have a history with each other, a history of trash talking on the field," McMahill said.

This guy has issues. And those issues revolve around rage. So what kind of substance when injected into one's body would result in problems controlling rage? Milk? No. Vitamin B-12 shot from Miguel Tejada? Possibly. Many years of Steroids?? Ding. Ding. Congrats Miami on your new free agent!

Stevens is really a tool

And just when you think the Jerramy Stevens saga is over, now this information comes to light. Allegedly he's not a very considerate neighbor. For some reason, this doesn't surprise me at all. Nicole Brodeur of the Seattle Times writes:

One resident woke to find his deck splattered with vomit. Another found used condoms. Others told of being awakened at 3 a.m. by loud fights, or were startled by strangers who partook of their patios. And they have had it. The noise, the fear and the man behind it — fifth-floor resident Jerramy Stevens.

He has parties that last all night. He has set off illegal fireworks from his deck, showering other units with debris. He takes up two spaces in a lot reserved for the building's retail shops. He gives the building security code to friends, who walk in at all hours.

The residents at the high-end condo complex Astoria at Meydenbauer have had enough. They drafted a letter to Stevens calling him to a board meeting to discuss the complaints against him. And with the letter comes a stern warning. You fail to show up for the meeting and we'll send you another letter. Damn. The board is a bunch of hard-asses. They really drew a line in the sand. Lucky for them, Stevens should shortly become a full-time resident of McNeil Island Penitentiary. And when he arrives there, the shoe will be on the other foot and most likely up his ass.