Tourney Time: Zags Round 1

DJ White was dominant in the second half and Roderick Wilmont's six three pointers ended the toughest season in Mark Few's career as head coach at GU. Not having Heytvelt was huge for the Zags. Neither Mallon, Kuso or Pendergraft could handle DJ White in the post. Here's a bit from the Spokesman Review:

"Plagued by bad shooting, poor decision-making, untimely turnovers, a baffling lack of energy and Indiana's solid defensive pressure, the Bulldogs wrote a rather uninspired ending to a crazily uneven basketball season, falling to the Hoosiers 70-57 in what proved to be the final game for seniors Derek Raivio and Sean Mallon.

The 10th-seeded Zags, who led once – and briefly, at that – never found any kind of offensive rhythm against seventh-seeded IU, shooting a season-low 33.9 percent (19 of 56) from the field, missing far too many close-range gimmes and turning the ball over 13 times."

But at least we didn't have to see Adam Morrison break down and cry again. What a pussy.

A Fireside Chat With...Tank Johnson

Tank Johnson has a connection with the Seattle area and with yours truly. A good friend of mine growing up, Ryan, went to UW with Tank and considers him a good friend. Through this connection I was able to get tank on the phone for the inaugural Friday segment "Fireside Chat" in which I interview the Seattle area's athletes and news makers. As you may already know, Tank has had some troubles with the law. Here's the most recent news from ESPN.com:

"Chicago Bears defensive lineman Tank Johnson was sentenced Thursday to four months in jail for violating probation in a 2005 gun case.

Johnson was arrested on misdemeanor weapons charges Dec. 14 after police raided his home in the Lake County town of Gurnee, about 40 miles northwest of Chicago, and found six unregistered firearms.

At the time, he was on probation in a November 2005 Cook County case. In that case, he'd pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor charge stemming from an arrest in which a nightclub valet reported seeing Johnson with a handgun in his sport utility vehicle."

I'd never met Tank in person, but I was excited to get the opportunity to interview him. Here's how it went:

SHH - Hey Tank. How are you?

Tank - Good. Thanks.

SHH - Thanks for doing the interview. This is really gonna drive interest in my new blog, having an interview with a big NFL star.

Tank - What? This is for a blog. I thought you were with Sports Illustrated. What the fuck, man?

SHH - Didn't Ryan tell you? Sorry I won't take up too much of your time.

Tank - OK. Hurry up. I gotta go to this shoot in 20 minutes.

SHH - Who are you gonna shoot in 20 minutes? Didn't they take all your guns away?

Tank - I'm not shooting anyone dipshit. I'm shooting a Public Service Announcement on gun safety. Part of the deal I made with the state.

SHH - What else is part of the deal?

Tank - No booze. No drugs. No shootin people. Its the offseason. What the fuck am I gonna do?

SHH - You could work out.

Tank - Fuck off! I'll kill you.

SHH - Sorry about that. Lets talk about your four month jail sentence. What are you gonna do in jail?

Tank - First thing I'm gonna do is find the smallest white guy and kick his ass. You gotta let them know who's boss right away. Make him give me all his cigarettes and shit. Cigarettes are like gold inside the joint. Then I'll sell the cigarettes for protection of my virgin ass.

SHH - But you're six foot three and three hundred pounds? Isn't that enough protection?

Tank - Why do you think I had six guns in my house? I'm a pussy. I can't fight. I can't even watch scary movies like Fight Club without peeing my pants.

SHH - You pee your pants when you watch Fight Club?

Tank - Wait. Don't publish that shit. I'm high man. I've already smoked two blunts today and its only 9 am.

SHH - That's no excuse. I've smoked two blunt today too and I still manage to write this mediocre blog.

Tank - If you publish anything I said I swear you will pay. You might think I only have six guns. How do you know for sure? I may have one on me now. It might be pointed at you. I might be taking the safety off right now. I can see your scrawny white ass in the cross hairs. I got one of those Scarface grenade launching machine gun combos. You better watch your back man.

SHH - You have my word Tank. None of this will ever get out to the public.

Tank - Fuckin right. Say hello to my little friend, bitch!! I'm out.

With that my chat with Tank Johnson was over. I'd say it went well but it really didn't. I seriously think he's gonna kill me if he finds out I posted this. I wrestled with the idea of just letting the story go away, but what kind of fake-ass journalist would I be if I didn't share the interview with my loyal readers? I hope all three of you enjoyed it.

No he never took any HGH

Gary Matthews Jr. finally broke his silence to proclaim his innocence in the internet based HGH scandal. This past offseason he signed a 5 year $50 million contract with the Angels. This announcement was not surprising since Angels owner Artie Moreno was contemplating voiding the new contract. From ESPN.com:

"I have never taken HGH -- during the 2004 season or any other time. Nobody has accused me of doing so, and no law enforcement authority has said I am a target of any investigation for doing so," Matthews said in a statement released by the team.

I think Matthews is full of shit. The HGH was delivered to him. They have his name on the documents. Lets see...last year he had a career year in batting .313, home runs 19, and RBI 79 along with making sick catches like the one in the picture. He's definately guilty. Watch his numbers take a dramatic slide this year.

Tourney Time: Cougs Round 1

Oral Roberts put up a tough fight in the first half. But the suffocating defense of the Cougs took over in the second half. Ivory Clark was a beast swatting away 5 shots along with a couple monster dunks. I knew the Cougs were looking good at halftime only trailing by 2 when they shot 30%. They started making shots in the second half and cruised to the victory. It looks like Vandy will be the next opponent as they are crushing GW currently. From the Seattle Times:

Clark punctuated the victory with a tip-in at 2:05 left to put the Cougars ahead 67-52, throwing up his arms in triumph as the ball fell through the hoop.

The game ended with Clark cradling the ball, then tossing it to the air to celebrate WSU's first NCAA tournament win since beating Weber State in the first round in 1983.

It was WSU's first NCAA tournament appearance since 1994, a first-round loss to Boston College in Washington D.C.

Vandy looked pretty athletic but I still think the Cougs defense will shut them down.

So who was it???

By now everyone has heard about the story with the LSU women's basketball coach Pokey Chatman and her innapropriate sexual relationship with a former player. Personally I think its hot and I encourage this type of behavior. Sure she may have taken advantage of her authority as coach, but if the results of that are two women gettin it on I'm all for it. Now comes the question: Who is the former player or players that were involved? Who was wearing the strap-on and giving Pokey some pokey pokey? I've done some investigating and here's what I came up with. Multiple sources within the LSU athletic department told ESPN.com that there is no evidence of inappropriate behavior with any current players. So I researched LSU's roster from the past years. Here's a few former players that I believe could be the mystery crack snacker.

1) Crystal White
Crystal was a senior in 04-05. Here's some info about Crystal from LSU's women's basketball website:

PERSONAL:
Full name is Crystal Nicole White ... Born on January 5, 1982 in Newport News, Va. ... Daughter of Otis and Linda White ... Has one brother, James ... An excellent student in high school, she was a member of the National Honor Society, Y.E.S. Club, Who's Who Among America's High School Students, Youth Forum, Business Professionals of America, Key Club and Yearbook ... Was a four-year honor roll student and posted a 3.4 grade point average in high school ... Received a bachelors degree in general studies in August of 2004 and is currently pursuing a masters in social work.

National Honor Society, Y.E.S. Club, Who's Who, Youth Forum, Key Club and Yearbook. Oh yeah, she's a carpet muncher. And she's pursuing a masters degree in social work. That screams out GAY.

2) Temeka Johnson
Temeka was also a senior in 04-05. Here's her personal info:

PERSONAL:
Full name is Temeka Rochelle Johnson ... Goes by ?Meek? ... Born Sept. 6, 1982 in New Orleans ... Daughter of Veronica Johnson ... Raised by her grandmother, Jewel Johnson ... Has three siblings: Valencia, Earl and Latifah ... Her uncle Keith Johnson played professional basketball in Russia and Venezuela ... Has an unusual superstition of having to have her ankles taped the same way before every game ... Graduated in August with a degree in general studies.

So she goes by "Meek". Sounds like Pokey's pet name for her stuck. And she has an unusual superstition involving taping her ankles. What they didn't explain is that the trainer tapes up her ankles while Pokey munches her box.

3) Seimone Augustus
Seimone graduated after last season and was the #1 pick in the WNBA draft. If she's in the WNBA then there's at least a 75% chance she's gay. And then this info from the LSU women's basketball website:

PERSONAL:
Born April 30, 1984, in Baton Rouge ... Daughter of Seymore and Kim Augustus ... Ranked sixth among 214 students in the senior class at Capitol High School ... Carried a 3.71 grade point average in accelerated classes ... Volunteers at the Gus Young Center in Baton Rouge ... Received the "Community Service Award" during the 2001 NAACP Freedom Fund Banquet ... Graduated this past August with a general studies degree ... Enjoys fashion and classic cars, including Chevy Impala's from the 1960's.

She enjoys fashion and classic cars? Enough said.

So who do you think it was? My vote is for Meek. Just a gay nickname. By the way, sorry for writing about beaver ball. I promise I won't write about it very much.

They Work Hard for their Money

Sonics vs. Pistons 3/13/07

There are three things my friend Caleb loves. Weed, chardonnay and the Sonics. Fortunately, last night we enjoyed an abundance of all three. Fun stuff.

We left work right at six and headed to Caleb's apartment to pre-funk. I decided to go with the Caleb cocktail which happens to be a $4.95 bottle of chardonnay straight out of the bottle. No wine glass. Who needs a wine glass? Fuckin yuppies.

The wine was flowing as we passed around the peace pipe and watched the pregame on TV. And let me say Kevin Calabro is the best anouncer in the NBA. And Lenny Wilkins is funny as shit. So we each finished of a bottle of chardonnay, got super Chinese eyed and headed off to the Key.

It was an exciting game. Ray Allen had a chance to tie the game with less than 10 seconds left. But just like it has been all year, the Sonics can't hit big shots in the fourth quarter. And Detroit made those shots. Chris Webber made Petro his bitch late in the game and Mr. Big Shot Billups sunk the Sonics with a late three.

Here's a few videos I took at the game. Stay tuned. Golden State on Saturday night.

I Like Boobs

And where has Jennifer Love Hewitt disapeared to? Fuck it. She still has a great rack.

Preparing to Coug it with Bennett

WSU is already trying to prevent national coach of the year Tony Bennett from leaving the farm down in the palouse. According to the Seattle Times:

Some influential Washington State alumni concerned about retaining national coach of the year Tony Bennett have launched a drive to raise money to try to entice Bennett to remain at WSU. Cougars athletic director Jim Sterk said Tuesday an e-mail campaign to alumni in recent weeks has raised "pledges of upwards of a quarter-million dollars."

Only a quarter million bucks? Thats not gonna keep him there. He's in a contract right now that pays him two million over five years. He's gonna get at least one million a year from a "big time" program. My guess is that he'll go to a Big 10 program like Michigan or Minnesota and get the hell out of Pullman.

Sonics Dunking Ushers Suck!!!

This is a video I took at the Sonics game a couple weeks ago. The dunking ushers start out hot and its all down hill from there. I haven't seen so many missed dunks since the whole Nate Robinson fiasco a couple years ago. Enjoy.

Where is Melissa Stark??

I love Melissa Stark. What ever happened to her??

I think she is much sexier than Lisa Guerrero, Suzy Kolber & Leslie Visser combined. And she knew her shit. My guess is the network wanted her to get a boob job and she refused. Bitch!

Sonics Post Game Reports

I've got tickets for the last 10 Sonics home games starting tonight vs. the Pistons. I will be doing post game reports on all of them focusing on what I can remember about the game the prior night. My friend Caleb has an apartment right across the street from Key Arena. So we do some serious pre-funking to try to avoid buying $50 worth of beers (three 16 ounce cans).

Caleb likes to drink a bottle of Chardonnay before the game and has had the tendancy to pass out during the 4th quarter. I will also be submitting videos of highlights and lowlights from my experiences. I hope you enjoy.

Hawks Sign Veteran TE Pollard

Pollard is a proven pass-catching TE that should compliment Will Hellar as the priamry blocking TE. The Seattle Times reported:

Pollard, 35, received a one-year contract with guaranteed money, though exact financial terms of the deal are unavailable. The 12-year pro spent the past two seasons with the Detroit Lions and the previous 10 with the Indianapolis Colts.

Pollard gives the Seahawks a proven pass receiver. He has 321 receptions for 4,007 yards and 38 touchdowns in his career. Pollard has caught 40 or more passes in a season four times.
He had 46 catches for 516 yards and three touchdowns in 2005, but dropped off to 12 catches for 100 yards last season.

My main concerns are his age (35) and his drop in production from 46 catches in 2005 to 12 catches last season. But I guess a change in QB from Peyton Manning to Jon Kitna may have had something to do with that. But at least the Hawks have gotten rid of a serious problem in Jerramy Stevens.

Stevens is a tool

Our good buddy Jerramy Stevens was arrested (no shit?) in Scottsdale, AZ last night for DUI and...DUI and...DUI and...............smokin the reefer!! This from the Arizona Republic.

Stevens was pulled over for driving erratically along Indian School Road near 81st Street in a rented 2007 Chrysler 300 sedan. The arresting officer said Stevens' eyes were "bloodshot, watery and half-closed."

"As (Stevens) exited the truck he dropped his cellphone and wallet on the ground, bent down to pick them up, then stutter-stepped as he started to walk in my direction," the report said.

Stevens, a resident of Bellevue, Wash., was taken to Scottsdale Police District 1 headquarters after he refused a portable Breathalyzer test. Officers obtained a search warrant and eventually drew two vials of blood around 5 a.m.

What a fuckin tool. He's a free agent with a sketchy past off the field along with a growing reputation as a cheap thug and choke artist on the field. Nobody's gonna pay this guy. Good thing for the Hawks they signed Marcus Pollard today to fill the void Stevens left.